White People Baby Shower Food is the Culinary Personification of "Two Americas".
Martin Luther King, Jr's concept of "The Other America" even extends to the food we eat at baby showers. Who knew?!
A few weeks ago I posted a video about baby showers. In it, I said that unless you’re related to the person being showered, the only good reason to go to these gatherings are for the food. The video has a little over 21K views as of this writing. So, no, it did not go viral but it wasn’t a dud either so I’m happy with the results. Besides, it took me all of 2 minutes to create so I didn’t place huge expectations for the 13 second clip. What did exceed my expectations were the comments. And the best response I received about this didn’t even come from the actual comment section of the post. In the words of the great Memphis orator, Yo Gotti, it went down in the DMs.
One of my followers, a white woman (according to her Instagram profile) named Teresa dropped me a message that sent my mind in a tailspin! She wrote the following after seeing the food showcased in the aforementioned video [NOTE: BTW, I asked if I could mention this in the newsletter and she gave me her blessing! Thank you, Teresa.]:
This just makes me sad to be a white person because we never get this spread. Never.
You *might* get some chicken salad on a croissant and a salad. But the alcohol flows freely to make up for the lack of flavor in the food. 🙄
Wait, whaaaaaaaaaat?! There was so much to unpack there!
First thing I thought was, “What does she mean by ‘we never get this spread’?” Was Teresa telling me that white people don’t eat during their baby showers or was she saying that white people don’t eat the type of food Black people eat during our baby showers?
Secondly, her statement that “…the alcohol flows freely…” also took me for a loop. I’m not gonna act like I am getting invited to baby showers on the regular but for the life of me, I don’t remember any of the ones I’ve ever attended having an open bar situation. Maybe some wine or brews for the men that end up as some young lady’s plus one—but that’s about it. Which is weird because, now that I think about it, I have friends who have babies and, thus, have went through the process of putting together these elaborate celebrations of life. While some of these baby showers could rival any local rappers album release party in terms of theme and presentation, the only spirit that is usually available is the Spirit of the Lord.
Sidebar: If you think about it, a rapper’s album release party is sort of like a baby shower except, in the case of the rapper, the “baby” is 12 to 28 tracks of “meh” music, with a few bangers. Look, I’ve been to a lot of album release parties, and in my opinion, baby showers have them beat by a mile. If for no other reason, it’s because at least baby showers have food! Do these rappers think we can live off dope beats and unlimited Hennessy alone?! A brother needs some sustenance!
Anyway…
Until that day, I’d never thought about baby showers outside of what’s on the menu and what I can afford to buy this soon-to-be newborn. I never considered the origins of baby showers, why people host them, and most importantly—if white people and Black people have different menus at their respective baby showers! So I went looking. Here’s what I found from roughly three days of internet sleuthing.
OF COURSE, AFRICA IS INVOLVED.
Before we jump straight into my thoughts, y’all know I had to dig for some historical information on the subject. Primarily, I wanted to know where this whole idea for baby showers came from. From what I’ve read, it seems that the earliest form of what we consider “baby showers” originated in Egypt. But do not confuse what those ancient events were to what you would attend today. The biggest difference in the ancient Egyptians and your cousin’s baby shower is that back then, newly minted mothers were not besieged with gifts.
After giving birth, the mother and baby were, essentially, quarantined. Ancient Egyptians believed that the process of bringing a child in the world was beautiful but also, for lack a better term, kinda gross. In a 2008 article (shout out to the Wayback Machine!), I found on RandomHistory.com entitled “Ritual and Ceremony: A History of Baby Showers”, the following was posted:
In addition, as in many cultures, both ancient and modern, Egyptian celebrations associated with childbirth took place after the birth. Soon after the infant’s arrival, the mother and child in the Old Kingdom were secluded so that the pollution of birth could be contained and eliminated, often for 14 days. There is also evidence that certain domestic rituals took place after 40 days (Johnston 2004).
Though the nature of these rituals is unclear, they most likely involved visiting temples or local shrines and included the ritualized disposal of the after-birth, such as the umbilical cord and the placenta.
Basically, Ancient Egyptians treated new moms like they had just caught COVID-19 or something! Had to make sure that baby aired out before they brought it around the rest of the family, I guess. Any gifts were given out of respect to the deity who helped facilitate the introduction of this new life into the world.
Today, Egyptians host a celebration called a Sebou’. It’s like baby shower except it’s held after the baby is born. The Sebou’ (which translates to “The Seventh Day” in Arabic) is held exactly seven days after the birth of the baby and it’s believed that this ceremony is an long-standing offshoot of the aforementioned quarantine period mothers and babies experienced during ancient Egyptian times. It is described, by Egyptian writer Farah Rafik as a ceremony that “…marks the newborn’s crossing to the world.” For Egyptians—regardless of the sex of the baby or what religion the family practices—the ceremony is “…a rite of passage with three phases of transition: separation, liminality, and incorporation”. There are plenty of websites that describe this ritual in detail (including the one that Farah wrote) so if you’re interested in learning more, please look it up when you have an opportunity. But some of the more interesting—to me—parts of this ceremony include sprinkling salt on the mother and around the home to keep out the evil eye, the mother stepping over the baby seven times, and elders making loud noises to test and strengthen the child’s hearing.
There is even a special drink, called “moghat”, that was traditionally given only to the mothers. These days, anyone attending the Sebou’ can partake of the beverage. It’s served hot, and in many of the descriptions I read, the word “mucilaginous” was used, leading me to assume it has a slime-like texture (see: okra). For example, here’s a description of moghat that I found:
It is a mucilaginous plant commonly consumed as a traditional lactagogue in Egypt, and used in medicine as a nutritive tonic for the purpose of promoting lactation, increasing body weight, treating gout, and acting as a demulcent.
That sounds almost as awesome as my Okra Juice which, unlike moghat, I can confirm is both slimy and delicious!
WAIT, WHAT? LOGIC IS BLACK?
I don’t know if going from moghat and okra juice to baby shower menus is a good segue but dammit, I’m doing it anyway! Remember Teresa from the beginning of this article? The woman who follows me on Instagram and told me that white people have a completely different menu than Black people? Well, I reached out to her to ask some follow-up questions.
Starting with the adult beverages, she clarified that it’s not an “open bar at white people weddings” situation as much as it is a “free mimosas all brunch long” vibe. Teresa summarized the affair as “…essentially like a tea party with mimosas and games,” which sounds absolutely awesome! She also mentioned that at one baby shower she attended, nachos were on the menu, and that was “…for sure not the norm.”
One of the most memorable food item she’s ever eaten at a baby shower was a plate of nachos?! Upon reading that sentence, my mind shattered into multiple, unidentifiable fragments. My Blackness had a hard time accepting that as reality. So I did what any reasonable nerd would do after hearing something that completely flies in the face of what they believed to be true—I fired up the ol’ Google machine.
The same brain shattering thing happened, about 10 years ago, when I found out that Logic was Black. Did y’all know Logic was Black this whole time, because I didn’t! I just remember seeing a man, who could EASILY pass for white (word to Mike McDaniel) using the word “nigga” with such an ease, it seemed like something he had done his whole life. Quite frankly, I was taken aback by his boldness. Come to find out his excellent use of the word was not because he was bold but, rather, because he was indeed of Negro descent. Thank goodness! I was afraid I was going to have to delete his music from my Spotify “Like Songs” playlist.
Anyway, Teresa said at white people baby showers, they eat stuff like chicken salad sandwiches and charcuterie boards. Which, to be fair, isn’t an uncommon occurrence at Black baby showers either. It is uncommon, however, for that to be the entirety of the spread. Black baby showers (in my opinion) take FOREVER! You can’t survive those 4 hours of just cheese and crackers. You gonna need something more sturdy in your stomach to make it through the duration which is why our food offerings are usually so robust.
SO WHAT’S ON THE MENU?
“What do white people eat at baby showers”.
That was the exact sentence I typed into the search bar. The very first link that popped up was a list of “37 Crowd-Pleasing Baby Shower Food Ideas” from Pampers. Yeah, the disposable diaper brand. I know they make more than just disposable diapers but y’all know good and well that is how most people identify the brand.
Let me say: this blog post was hella thorough! Not only did they list well over two dozen menu items, they also separated the items into three categories: Savory Baby Shower Food Ideas, Savory Baby Shower Food Ideas, and Drinks. Click this link if you want to read the entire list, however, I’m only going to mention the 10 items that stood out to me. And by “stood out to me” I mean which items were the least likely to be at a Black people baby shower:
Crudité platter - Ok. I know I said this list was gonna be filled with stuff that you don’t normally see at a Black person’s baby shower but I had to speak on this. STOP BUYING CRUDITE TRAYS! Have you ever seen an empty veggie tray at a baby shower? No, you haven’t. I honestly don’t understand why people keep buying these things. Even if you have vegan guests coming, they deserve better than carrots, celery sticks, and grape tomatoes.
Veggie sushi - This is a PEAK white people baby shower menu item. Never in my 40 years of living have I seen this at a Black gathering. Where does one even source this from? Are white women going to sushi restaurants and asking for trays of sushi rolls, minus the sushi? The caucasity!
Bruschetta - This is what Pampers said about bruschetta: “Slice up a baguette or a loaf of ciabatta, and toast the bread slices in the oven. Top each with chopped tomato, olive tapenade, or whatever spread you prefer.” I prefer to save my calories on something with some seasoning, thank you very much.
Mini mac and cheese - If we doing mac and cheese, we need MAC & CHEESE. Dear white people: don’t allow anyone to dole out mac & cheese in Snickers Fun-Sized portions. That’s anti-American. Word to James Hemings.
Bacon wrapped dates - I literally said “Nigga, what?” after reading that one. Who on Earth thinks this is a good idea? Apparently, white people.
Spinach-and-garlic palmiers - I had to Google what a “palmier” was because I had never heard of such a thing. According to Wikipedia: “A palmier...is a French pastry in a palm leaf shape or a butterfly shape, sometimes called palm leaves, cœur de France, French hearts, shoe-soles, or glasses that was invented in the beginning of the 20th century.” I mean, okay…but why serve this at a baby shower?
Monkey bread - I know Pampers isn’t trying to be racist nor am I suggesting that white people who have monkey bread as a baby shower menu item are racist. But doesn’t this feeeeeeeeeel kinda racist? It does. That’s why Black people don’t have this on our baby shower dessert table.
Ice pops - Yeah, no. Many of my melanated brothers and sisters dress up for baby showers. With that being said, we tend to avoid items that can drip artificially colored, liquid sugar on our fresh clothing. Which is probably why I’ve never seen this at a baby shower. Not a bad idea, per se. Especially because where I’m from it can get hotter than a Big Freedia concert in the middle of July. It’s just not practical from a sartorial standpoint.
Tiramisu - This is a completely unnecessary item, in my opinion. Also, my opinion on this is informed by the fact that I am not a fan of pre-soak breads. But to each his/her/their own.
Puff pastry cheese sticks - Not something I remember seeing at any Black baby showers I’ve attended but I’m not mad at its inclusion. I just wonder, sort of like the palmiers, who said “You know what would be better than a full tray of mac & cheese at this baby shower? Cheese enveloped in puff pastry!” I don’t know who thought of this but I’m willing to bet my entire sneaker collection it wasn’t a Black person. Wait—on second thought—Black people be inventing stuff all the time without attribution or credit. Allow me to amend my statement: While I still don’t believe a Black person invented this, I’m not willing to bet my entire sneaker collection on it.
I sent Teresa a link to the post and she confirmed: many of the items on the Pampers list are indeed staples in the white baby shower circuit. And while there were a few items she had never eaten at any showers she attended, in her opinion, this list was more accurate than Steph Curry from the 3-point line!
TWO AMERICAS.
This post wasn’t meant to fix the racial tension that exist in this, or any other, nation. Nor was I interested in trying to make fun of white people’s culinary choices at baby showers. I wanted to write about this because, at least to me, it’s a striking example of the “TWO AMERICAS” concept.
If you frequent the Black side of Twitter, you’ve probably seen the phrase used on numerous occasions. While I can’t tell you who was the first to tweet “Two Americas” I can tell you that, from a historical standpoint, Martin Luther (the) King, Jr. was the first to bring this idea into the American Civil Rights zeitgeist.
CORRECTION: He was the most famous person, within the Civil Rights movement, to discuss the concept. Frankly, anyone who happens to live in the “Other America” has certainly made reference to the blatant inequities found while living on the other side. The difference is King won a Nobel Peace Prize while people like my grandma Evalyna Brown, cleaned white people’s houses for a living. Whose thoughts on the subject was going to be remembered for all time? If you guessed the dude who was also assassinated and then got a Federal Holiday named after him, you’d be correct.
In 1968, Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. gave a speech called “The Other America” at Grosse Pointe High School, located in a nearly all-white suburb of Detroit. In it, he mentions that while we may be one nation, we are certainly not having the same lived experiences. To be clear, this isn’t the only time he gave this speech. There is video of him giving a modified version of his “The Other America” lecture at Stanford University, in 1967, as well. But at Grosse Pointe, he started his lecture with some heat!
“…I do not see how we will ever solve the turbulent problem of race confronting our nation until there is an honest confrontation with it and a willing search for the truth and a willingness to admit the truth when we discover it. And so I want to use as a title for my lecture tonight, "The Other America." And I use this title because there are literally two Americas. Every city in our country has this kind of dualism, this schizophrenia, split at so many parts, and so every city ends up being two cities rather than one.”
As I mentioned, Black people on the internet have used this “TWO AMERICAS” idea to highlight anything that illustrates that schizophrenic dualism Dr. King discussed. Here are a few examples, in case you need help landing this ideological plane:
NiteCap
You’ve probably never heard of Sarah Marantz Lindenberg but she claimed to have invented the silk hair scarf. This was in 2019, y’all! Black women had been wearing silk bonnets for decades at that point! She got completely roasted and, as far as I can tell, her company doesn’t exist any more. Oh, did I mention she was selling these things for $75 a pop?! #TwoAmericas
Ethan Couch
If you let rich, white people tell the story: being rich and white is actually akin to having the flu. So when, then, 16 year-old Ethan Couch got drunk and plowed his truck into a group of people (killing four people in the process), his legal defense team found a psychologist who was willing to say that Ethan suffered from Affluenza. For the unaware, “Affluenza” is a FAKE AS FUCK psychological illness that claims that someone from a privileged or wealthy upbringing, is not equipped with a moral compass and thus, they should not be held responsible for the bad things they do. In the end, Ethan was hit with a 10-year sentence…of probation. Now imagine if he was Black. What do you think would have happened to him? Exactly. #TwoAmericas
Baby Shower food
And to end things on a lighter note, I’m asking that the Black delegation consider adding “Baby Shower Food” to the ever expanding #TwoAmericas list. I mentioned the Pampers blog post but if you (and by “you”, I’m talking directly to my Black brothers and sisters) really want to see the extreme differences in our baby shower cuisine compared to white folks, take a look at these “56 Hostess-Approved Recipes for a Southern Baby Shower”. These hostesses must also have Affluenza because who, but someone who suffers from such a debilitating disease, is preparing stuff like “Mini Tomato Sandwiches With Bacon Mayonnaise”, “Pear-and-Brie Puff Pastry Tarts”, or “Sweet Potato and Chorizo Sausage Bites” for a baby shower? Certainly, not Logic! Nor, I assume, any family members on the Black side of his family tree.
I guess you already found out White-hosted baby showers include a lot of (new) Pampers being filled with guacamole and bean dip for chip dippin’ 😵💫 The baby showers do have booze, mostly fruity, but for max White Girl drunkenness go to a Bridal shower! 😱😸