The Downside of Winning means the Rebirth of Soundbite.Studio.

Winning with HOPE as a plan can still feel like failure.

When I won a James Beard Award, I really thought that all of my problems would be solved. Well, not all of my problems. No single award has the power to make the hairs on my face grow into an actual beard, help me dunk a basketball, or allow me to make up 50 pounds lighter tomorrow.

The problem I thought I solved was a financial one. I assumed that I was on my way to financial freedom via the monetization of my now James Beard Award winning platform. In less than four years, I turned myself from just a regular, degular community organizer into an award-winning social media influencer and Black food subject matter expert. Surely hundreds of brands would want to work with me!

I just knew that I’d be wading through various partnership proposals, book deals, television opportunities, and speaking engagements. Not because I was expressly told that these deals would materialize but rather, I had seen what the Lawd had done for others in a similar position and I just knew that the same would happen to me! All the things I had been working towards before my name was called on that fateful day in June—would surely make themselves plain—and I would finally be able to make a living doing this work that I love so much. Spoiler alert: NONE OF THAT HAPPENED.

What did happen is I started freaking out.

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EXPECTATIONS WERE SET.

When I started Black Food Fridays in April of 2020, winning a James Beard Award wasn’t anywhere on my list of things to do. By creating Black Food Fridays, I had inadvertently jumped into the “food documentation industrial complex” with no experience in the culinary arts—unless you consider working at Taco Bell and Wendy’s while a student at R.B. Stall High School “culinary experience”.

But after the untimely murder of George Floyd in the Summer of 2020, my account skyrocketed in popularity. In fact, many Black influencers across a variety of industries, suddenly found themselves and their work, in an unfamiliar position: mattering to the whites. Sure, Black Food Fridays has had non-Black followers since its beginning, but post-George was a completely different thing all together. For many Black influencers, this was the first time that a white person listened to our thoughts with a level of intensity and intentionality reserved only for the Tony Robbins of the world. And while I can’t speak for everyone else, it felt damn good. Not because white people liked me but because the message of financially supporting Black owned food and beverage businesses had spread like wildfire. The people who needed to see my call-to-action were not just watching but doing.

Anyway, that’s when the chatter about things like “earned media” and “James Beard Awards” started flooding my DMs and peppering my conversations with people in the know. The earned media part seemed straightforward enough but I didn’t know who or what this James Beard thing was. By the time I had a handle on the “bigness” of it all, I was named as a finalist for the social media category, in 2022. I didn’t win but it was during the after-party, in the effervescence of it all, that the expectation was set: I will be able to make a living from all of this.

After those 2022 awards, I did a variety of things to put myself in position to leverage this opportunity: I took a film class to learn how to write a show bible so that I could pitch television networks and production companies. I found a legitimate celebrity to help me pitch my concept (shout out to W. Kamau Bell). I got a literary agent, wrote then pitched a book proposal. I experimented with new content series, I dabbled in the branded merchandise game, and even started a newsletter! By the time the 2024 James Beard Media Awards came, I felt like I had done everything I could think of to make me a viable finalist, yet again. And, surprise—I won! But then a funny thing happened.

No one came.

I mean, there were many well wishes and “let’s build messages” but no one in the form of a Daymond Garfield John from Shark Tank came to scoop me into their loving arms.

It was that feeling of “I’m doing everything right, right?” combined with this erroneous belief that some random titan of industry was going to sign me to their Cash Money Records of consumer package goods that started messing with my confidence. And being in a position of low confidence is not a space I have a lot of experience operating from. Nor was it a place I wanted to dwell. That “funk” lasted from June until, literally, this past Monday when a series of conversations, a few YouTube videos, and a new book I’m reading all combined to give me the perspective that I need which is this:

No one is coming to pluck me from obscurity in order to make me the next Tabitha Brown (or the first KJ Kearney).

Whatever the answers are to this existential question of what success looks like for me—will be answered by me. More importantly, the answers for said existential question are inside of me have been there this entire time. Once I came to that realization, it was easy to set a course towards my idea of success. No more waiting, no more second guessing. Time to be HEAVILY on me!

Usually, this would be the part where I lay out my grand plans but I’ve done that before. All that did was create unnecessary internal pressure. So instead of talking about it, I’m gonna be about it. As a matter of fact, you will have the opportunity to help me get on the right path in less than 30 seconds (depending on how fast you read, I guess).

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Remember Soundbite.Studio? It was a great idea that I never stuck with. Mostly because the idea of sending y’all random voice messages about random food musings sucks ass and one of y’all should have said something. In honesty, it doesn’t suck. It’s just limiting and doesn’t help me accomplish any of my goals for growing! So I’m bringing it back with a little remix.

In addition to my audio musings, Soundbite.Studio will now be a primarily-YouTube based operation where I answer your Black food related questions or respond to your best Black Food hot takes! To get this party started, I’m reaching out to my paid subscriber squad, asking you to please send me your best questions and takes for me to respond to! Just respond to the prompt in this Chat (you’ll only have access if you are a paid subscriber to the newsletter) and let’s get this show on the road!

If you are not a paid subscriber, no worries! You can leave your questions in the comments. And if I think you’re question or take is really good, I’ll respond to it. But I want to make sure that my paid subscribers—who I haven’t given a good reason to give me money other than the fact that they really like me—take priority. Anyway, I’m looking forward to seeing what y’all come up with and enjoy whatever is left of your weekend.